'I've cut off my family - but my partner has been meeting them behind my back'

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The woman is furious with her partner (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
The woman is furious with her partner (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

In relationships, respecting one another's boundaries is incredibly important, as if you truly care about the person you're with, you want them to feel comfortable and to feel as though you care about what they do and don't like.

But one woman has been left feeling "livid" after her boyfriend went against her wishes to secretly meet with her sister for a coffee - even though she has minimal contact with her family.

The woman explained she has been "no contact" with her family for seven years, and although they occasionally reach out to her via text message, she never responds and has no interest in getting back in touch with them.

'I've cut off my family - but my partner has been meeting them behind my back' eidehiqdqikinvHe disrespected her boundaries (stock photo) (Getty Images)

However, her partner has told her it's "not healthy to hold onto grudges" and has tried to persuade her to make amends with her family, whom she accused of "decades of emotional abuse".

The woman said her partner dropped the subject once she told him there was no chance she'd ever reconcile with them, but she has now discovered he had recently been for coffee with her sister.

'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time''I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'

In a post on Reddit, she said: "I have been NC [no contact] with my family for about 7 years now. Specific reasons are long, but essentially it is due to decades of emotional abuse and eventually, I said f**k it and moved out. My family has not contacted me except for one or two texts that I have ignored.

"My partner has mentioned that it's not healthy to hold onto grudges and eventually I need to forgive them for my own mental health. I told him before that I have no intention of talking to any of them again and told him to drop it. He was good about it until recently.

"A few days ago he sat me down and said, 'Listen, I know you'll say no, but your sister asked me if we want to go for coffee.' I said absolutely f***ing not, and not to tell me if they ask, because I will automatically say no.

"Today, he mentioned that he was going for coffee with a friend. I thought nothing of it, so I just asked him with who. He became evasive and started making jokes about another girlfriend (we do this all the time, it usually makes me laugh).

"This time though, I remembered the conversation about my sister asking to go for coffee. Immediately, I asked him if he was going with her. He sheepishly said yes. I said that I was very uncomfortable with this and I didn't want him to go. He said, 'You told me not to tell you if they ask again, and I did that. What's the problem?' I was f***ing livid. He left the house to go on his coffee date anyway."

The woman later slammed her partner for not respecting her boundaries, as she added: "I gave him the silent treatment until about 10 min ago when he asked me something and I grumbled a reply.

"He said, 'Why are you acting like this?', and I exploded. I yelled at him saying that he didn't respect my boundaries and that he basically said 'f**k you' and went for coffee with my sister anyway. I went on a walk to cool off."

Commenters on the post were firmly on the woman's side, as many of them said her partner's actions should be grounds for ending the relationship.

One person said: "This would 100% be a break-up for me. I'm so sorry, but I don't know if there's coming back from that. So much disrespect on so many different levels, but especially undermining your trauma and boundaries."

While another wrote: "He ignored your boundaries, trauma, and is going behind your back to undermine your NC, he isn't helping your mental health he's proving your family can't be trusted to respect your choices.

'My hubby wants to name our baby after his mum but her beliefs are too extreme''My hubby wants to name our baby after his mum but her beliefs are too extreme'

"He never should have been in contact with them in order for them to ask him out to coffee in the first place if he understood and cared about your wellbeing."

And a third posted: "Get rid of him. Now. Absolute disrespect."

Zahna Eklund

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