25 November 2023 , 12:30
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A frustrated mum says she has "no desire" to change her child's birthday party menu after one mum's awkward request.
Planning a kids birthday party can involve a lot of organisation from the venue, decorations, activities, who to invite and more. And one of the most important items on the check-list is the food. Unfortunately this is never an easy process; some children can be fussy eaters, others could have a number of allergies between them, or some parents may say no to sugar.
One woman has asked an online parenting group if she is "being unreasonable" after one parent sent her a challenging menu request which she wants to refuse. The mum, who sent out invites for her upcoming daughter's birthday party, sent a note to the parents to check if there were any allergies or dietary requirements for the party.
She was willing to accommodate so all the children had some food to enjoy. She was planning on serving typical party food to the children - aged between two and five - including veggie, one no pork, one nut allergy, one gluten free and dairy allergy. However, she was taken aback by one parent's request for no allergens at the party.
Taking to Mumsnet to share what happened, the parent said: "Birthday party coming up and have asked attendees for allergies/dietary requirements. Had the usual list back - some. I said - no problem, we will make sure that there are options for all but will be parents responsibility to ensure children are eating the correct thing. Had a reply separately from parent of gluten free / dairy allergy saying, 'sorry to be difficult, but we need there to be no gluten or dairy served at all - it's too dangerous for X as we can't guarantee he won't eat it. Sure you understand, thanks xx'."
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The party planning mum added: "Am I being unreasonable to say that this just doesn't work for us? I'm making the cake and have no idea how, or have any desire to learn, to make a nice gluten free / dairy free option. I was planning to buy little gluten free, vegan cupcakes so that there is something there for the others.
"But, my daughter has requested a specific thing for her birthday which I've already started prepping." The dilemma raked in thousands of responses on Mumsnet and a number of parents offered advice.
One mum was taken aback when she was asked to have foods with no allergens at her daughter's birthday party - to cater to one child (Getty Images)One individual said: "The cake would be quite easy to keep separate I think so you could definitely keep your plan on that." Another parent commented: "As the parent of a child who would end up in hospital if you get it wrong, I'd rather supply my own food. I did for all primary aged parties. So you are not being unreasonable. Tell them you don't want the responsibility."
Another parent added: "Seems a strange request. When mine were little anyone who had a child with allergies used to bring a packed lunch along for their child. I did make sure the party bags were named and appropriate for each child and their allergies but I couldn't cater the whole party to one kids requirements and the parents never expected us to."
One individual agreed and said: "I would not want to have the responsibility for ensuring the child is not eating the allergic food. I would be asking the mother to provide her own food for the child." Another suggested: "I'd offer to buy separate food and keep it all in the packaging so parents can check it on the day, and say you will keep it separate from the rest of the party food. It's unreasonable to ask you to cater the whole party to one child's allergies."
Another said: "This is a crazy request. Are they family members? It's still crazy but a bit less cheeky to offer that. Definitely say what you will supply and suggest they bring a packed lunch too if they don't think that's good enough. Make it clear you would love to see them but will understand if they can't come under those conditions."
Do you think the mum is being unreasonable? Share your thoughts in the comments below.