01 November 2023 , 19:24
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I’m not going to panic because, if I panic, cancer wins.
But I still need to be realistic, and while I can’t fear my every ailment (yes, I do have curly Ken Dodd hair on one side now – I accept it), the reality is, my memory seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a few times about the Nolans’ blue plaque (we have a blue plaque now, didn’t you know?). Me and the family unveiled it with such delight.
What I haven’t spoken about is the less fabulous moment of that day. The moment I had to turn to Coleen’s son Jake’s girlfriend and ask her what my niece, Coleen’s daughter, is called. My memory has been lapsing for a while but that moment was as bad as it has got. I could actually have asked Ciara herself – that’s it, CIARA.
She’s funny like her mum, and she’d have responded just like her, too. You can imagine the comments about my age... But I didn’t, because deep down it doesn’t feel right. As I said, I won’t panic. My balance is still better than it was, I’m not having headaches. I have some scans arranged and I’ll wait for them.
I’m not going to live in fear, because it’ll take over, and I have to concentrate on making the most of now. Even more so after learning that Ciara – CIARA – is heading off and travelling in January, plus my nephew Danny, his wife and family, including gorgeous baby Marlie, will also be moving overseas.
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News like this is so difficult. You’re over the moon for them and yet, when I say goodbye, I know I might not see them again. That’s the elephant in the room. But I wouldn’t want them to say they’re not going. They have to go for it. You have to go for life. And as much as I felt I’d been punched in the stomach when I learnt the news, as much as I want them here with me, I also want them to live.